This year I have heard many beautiful words, comments, adoration, inspiration and compliments. None I feel that I can possibly own up to. I’m not a fake, just human. I was blessed by God by two beautiful parents who taught me early on to love God first, love yourself for whom God made you to be, then love all others as equals. I tried the best that I could to try to fill those shoes that both my parents set before me. I failed, I succeeded, but no matter what, I still remember those exact words and the heartfelt feelings behind them.
I’ve also heard words of doubt from some. Some random sentiments that this inspiration I am to some, isn’t real. And that’s ok. To some I’m sure it’s not. I know for me, I don’t see myself as inspiration, only God shining through me outwardly towards others. If that’s inspiration, motivation, fight and endurance, then I’m extremely blessed. But no credit to me at all.
Right now I have brothers blessed to me in my life by God as family and as friends in Christ. I know of one that has passed, whom taught me and many others so many of God’s laws and what Faith, Hope and Love truly mean. As other brothers are struggling right now in different ways, I see that no matter what, their reactions are still so steadfast and honorary to who they truly are. I ask for prayer for them and for me, to not say random words or opinions, but only God’s words and promises.
I believe each of us struggle daily with doubt and fear. Those who believe in Christ feel this every waking moment and for those who don’t believe, feel it – not as loss, but of the unknown. Are any of us wrong? No. We are human. We all have freedom of choice and that was a gift to each of us as we were born and grew up to be adults. No matter what we say or do, someone will always find fault in it. We just need to remember, that this is also ok. It doesn’t matter our differences, our religions, our beliefs, our race, color, creed, gender, age or orientation. We are each equal and should be loved by all with no bias.
I want to thank a brother in Christ, Obi, whom I had the privilege to get to know and to work with. Through struggle and happiness, he has shown me that the Holy Spirit inside of us is all that truly matters. We both experienced an absolute heartbreaking time with a person and/or person(s) that disappointed us. Who we looked up to – knowing in God’s eyes we were all equal – but a person whom gave us love and their own experience in learning more and more about God. But then, as humans, these person(s) showed us and reacted to us in different situations that just left us speechless. No, we aren’t perfect, nor are they. But it made us turn away from something we needed, something we leaned on in a sanctuary for support and fortitude. Luckily, for me, I’ve always been quick to be hurt, but then even quicker to forgive. I wish for my friend and I, that we never went through this, but we did. We learned, experienced and now, moved on to be lead to where we were truly meant to be.
My point is simply this. No person, no church, no material thing will ever be perfect. All will falter or break and some will not be there for the remainder of our lives. But how we handle what is thrown at us is what truly shows others what we are made of. What strength we have gained and what stamina we have to continue through the fight. Each of us has a family member, a friend or sometimes even a stranger – whom will always be there for us to lean on till we can stand tall again. Not defeated, a bit broken, but healing. However we look at things in our lives each morning we wake, we should look at it as an opportunity to spread love and kindness and strive for change in this hectic and chaotic world.
A dear friend of mine, Mariah, who battled and whom is still battling a crippling incident in her life, decided to start writing what this past year has been like. Her feelings, experiences, her hopelessness and her willing to fight against all odds. She’s shown me how good it is to share this to others. I personally struggle daily with many depths of pain. Internal and external. Physically and Mentally. I’m diagnosed with many different things, but the most difficult is my Early-Onset of Alzheimer’s and Chorea. I feel none of this is a weakness nor a punishment, but a learning experience. A trial to go through and to come out on the other side with more understanding and with more peace. I don’t know if I can ever reach the potential as my dear friend to share my journey, but as long as I can still type, I will try to possibly get out there, more understanding for those of us living with a detrimental and debilitating condition.
These are just some of my random thoughts I felt pressed to share. To whomever it helps, it will be more than I could ever ask for.
I’m not this strong person whom some keep looking to for encouragement. I’m just a vessel that God created to show His love through.
Thank you for listening and I apologize to whomever I offended and for lacking in words written correctly, as I’ve lost most of that part of my creativeness. I have not given up nor ignored what is going on with me physically and mentally, but to just relate to others that I am me.